I never leave the house other than for college, but i hate it there. Everything makes me feel suicidal and alone. Nobody seems to care and i feel like I am heading for disaster.

I feel totally out of control of myself. I have no friends or family that can help me. I feel unable to help myself. I am sick of living my life when the quality of living is so bad.

I put faith in my T and thought i would be OK. I now have less than a year to be OK otherwise i will probably end my life. I realize that may sound over dramatic but i have nothing in my life worth clinging on for. I have one more year at college left until i am off in the world alone. I won't be able to cope or get through this alone. My T is kind but she wont support me after i leave college. I'd be asking too much of her to do it for free anyway. I don't even have a job and cant leave the house to get money so it just isn't fair.

I carried on going to college because i get therapy through that. I've never been to a doctor and everyone always says: "oh just go to a doctor" as a quick fix to everything. It is not a quick fix and it wont just magic away my problems. I find this one of the most naive things someone can say to me.

I feel totally alone in the world. I feel as though nothing i ever do will be good enough to save myself. I feel like I've been falling for a very long time and nobody cared enough to try and help me.

Nobody cares about an individual person. Not truly. I am completely alone in the world and people say they care, but they either don't care enough or are lying. My therapist said she cared, but obviously she doesnt care enough or she'd try to help me. It just feels like nobody knows what to do and everyone i confide in never has any ideas. I feel like deep down there is nothing that can be done and i might as well give up on my life entirely.

I am scared to die. I don't want to die. I am also scared of living like this much longer. I feel like i went past breaking point a long time ago. I don't even know how i am staying sane with all of this. Sometimes i even question if this is even sanity. I feel unable to fix things on my own though, the support people say they give me doesnt feel enough. When i say people i am only referring to my therapist. My parents are abusive and always say they're there for me when in reality they are not.

I always make threads about stuff when i feel at my worst. I have nobody to talk to and i feel like i need someone. Please dont feel obliged to respond to this. Just someone reading through my thoughts and feelings is all i want. Just someone in the world to recognize my pain.