Hello stefen22: I don't know as I have a lot to offer here. The one thing I have come to realize, as a result of reading numerous posts similar to yours here on PC, is that there are all sorts of sex-related fantasies, fetishes, & compulsions people develop. No, you're not a freak! Young men, as a rule, have extremely high sex drives. And young men have been masturbating to various forms of pornography... probably for as long as there have been young men. Years ago, masturbation was done to magazines. Nowadays it's internet porn.

The fact is that everyone has sex-related fantasies of one sort or another. You're no exception. You've simply become unwittingly caught up in a sex-related fantasy that carries with it a lot of morality-related landmines, so to speak, in that it involves your sister. It is possible, I suppose that your use of internet porn sort-of set you up to be susceptible to this kind of compulsion. Perhaps it is also an indication that you have something of an addictive personality. But I don't know any of this for a fact. These are just thoughts that occur to me.

The fact that you're reacting to this situation the way you are has, from my perspective, both positive & negative aspects to it. It's positive because you have an awareness of what you're struggling with, & you understand the social / moral implications of it. You want to let it go. But it's negative because of the distress, shame & disgust it is causing you. From my perspective, this is where the real danger lies here. This kind of inward-directed shame can be corrosive. So, if you find you simply cannot let this go, you may want to consider seeking the services of a mental health therapist with whom you can talk through (over a period of time) what you are struggling with... ideally a therapist who has experience working with individuals who have sex-related concerns.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!