i know what you are feeling in a way only mine wasn't with a boyfriend. i was m*lested and r*ped by a friends stepdad. and after nearly 10 years just decided to press charges at the time of the abuse i was between 5 and 10. he just within the past three months started coming into my place of employment and bothering me and that is what made me decide to press charges finally. becuase i've worked there for now almost a year and a half and all of a sudden he starts shopping there and only bothering me. so i understand. and welcome to the site. i understand a lot of what you have went through, but from different aspects as mine wasn't from a boyfriend. i know the being scared of men and feelings of someone being there when no one is there. i hope that you begin to feel safe here.