Almeda, "but I felt like he was suggesting that I am encouraging my sons devaluing of my husband lately;" is very confusing to me because there are too many, he said that I thought that he thought that the other guy might be thinking. The more "direct" either with your husband or with your T you can be, the less confusion there should be. But trying to work on your husband through your T isn't going to work. What the other person "sees" is not what you "are" but only what you are projecting (as onto a screen at a movie theatre). For your T, it sounds like what he had heard before from his sister and he gave you his opinion/feelings about that.

It is not up to your therapist to deal with your husband's lying or spanking your child or even necessarily to support you in what you want in that arena. You need to confront your husband and deal with the consequences of whether or not he "complies" with what you want. It sounded to me like some of your T's questions were only looking for what you want, not commenting one way or the other about what you want. Not everyone is against spanking but I can't imagine anyone being "for" lying. What are you going to do about your perception that your husband lied. . . again? That is the question. I think worrying about what your T is doing/saying/thinking/meaning is avoidance of that immediate question.