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dangerousanimals · Sep 25, 2016, 07:17 PM

I have both.

Want an exercise in futility? Be employed as an editor before your OCD diagnosis. Some of my checks revolve around grammar, and words feeling "right." How can I even judge how words feel?

Took forever to get through my projects. Sometimes I can't even post stuff online because it never seems right. I get portions of songs stuck in my head...never a whole line, but part of a line.

I get violent images stuck in my head on repeat.

Possible trigger:

Smashing my head in until there's nothing left--avoid stairs, bricks, the corners of countertops and the corners of walls, etc. Thinking I'm going to fall into traffic and get run over...almost every time I walk by a road. Couldn't leave my apartment by myself when I first moved out because I was convinced my elderly neighbor was going to murder me because she kept talking to me. So that image was stuck in my head.

I used to think I was being followed by snipers, and I'd hide from helicopters because Area 51, secret aliens, I knew too much, whatever. Now, I'm scared of submarines...thankfully I encounter those much less often than helicopters. I can joke about the submarines when I'm not near one, but when I'm around one it's no laughing matter. There's actually a word for this phobia--submechanophobia. Why is this even a thing?

Previous therapist and meds doctor thought my distressing, intrusive thoughts were BP 1 and psychosis...current doctors thought it was OCD causing my psychotic-seeming symptoms.