I had problems like these before the "bottom fell out" for me in my religious experience in my teens. I'd had what I believed to be a "born again" experience and a call from God, etc. at the age of 16. I went off to college to study theology and prepare to go into ministry and that's where it happened. (Droopy if you would reproduce that post from the other board which explains religious scrupolosity -- the one from the article -- it would be helpful here). It started just before my 2nd semester in college (age 17) and by the end of my sophomore year (age 18) it had pretty much destroyed my faith, though I was (desperate, wrung out, despairing at that point) still "going through the motions." I started having demonic visitations at night and Satan started talking to me and all this stuff, and in the first semester of my junior year I got kicked out of the school I was going to basically because I wouldn't shut up about it and I wouldn't pretend it wasn't happening to satisfy those who needed to see it "fixed" in order to hold onto THEIR faith ... I became a walking apocalyptic plague basically ... well all that was a long time ago but whenever I try to get involved with any authoritarian-based, behaviorally-oriented type of religious system now the very same issues and problems come up. I guess if people like me want to keep believing in God we have to become comfortable with the idea that we are destined to be "vessels of dishonor" that will be destroyed in the end. Given the level of internal torture I've suffered over all this crap, robbing me of REAL LIFE, sometimes existence has seemed to me like a very long-winded sales pitch for death (that's real death, end of consciousness and awareness permanently).