It makes sense to me that you are upset, and I'm sorry you're going through this rough time. From what I read, it sounds like you want to change your ex to respond and act the way you wish he would. In my experience, people don't change unless they want to. And if you think he has narcissistic personality, I doubt he will change. That being said, It sounds like you are lonely, grieving, and in the uncomfortable stages of change. That also all makes sense to me and sounds normal. I think it's great that you own up to your mistakes too btw. That is healthy and takes courage that not everyone has. I say stay away from the guy, it sounds like a harmful relationship from all the things you wrote about it.

Making new friends and connections Can feel difficult, but it can be done. keep posting here. I'm sorry you went through all the abuse with your ex. It can be scarring. You deserve better.