@elevatedsoul: Thank you for your note. I see what you are saying, but I feel I have accepted that I have failed. I am not sure I have much positive to say.

I did try a few things - I joined a fitness class and the people there are super awesome. They even find my witty and I realize that I can be funny if I want to be, but all in all, it is just another thing in my life. I watch football as well (Go Patriots) and like that to some extent. I can amuse myself for a little while with all this, but this is not sustainable.

I do not know really what I am looking for anymore, it is just all outcomes in all cases will not really help me be happy. I do not know what it means to be happy really. A little lost.