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Old Sep 26, 2016, 11:44 AM
Soccer mom Soccer mom is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 1,478
I've been through this exact situation. I was terminated a year ago and realized afterwards that my ex-T. was emotionally abusive and it was not a good fit. I couldn't see any of that when I was in the situation.

I found another T. and she has been great. I laid it all out there even my fear of attaching to her/being dependent and her leaving me as well. She told me many times she isn't leaving me and feels my ex-T. fueled my attachment/dependency. I now see she is correct. I have the same transference with my current T. but it's not intense and is very manageable. Of course, all of that disclosure was probably over a month. I find that I'm slowly feeling less and less towards her and she's becoming "normal" which is what I read would happen.

However, as great as T. is, I can't stop thinking about ex-T. We live in a small town so I see her around and my co-worker sees her (which was one reason for the termination over my feelings about it). So, I have constant reminders. I too go back and forth and feel that's just part of the process. It took almost a year to have a huge realization that I never felt ex-T. accepted me. That solved a lot of questions around why my feelings were so intense with her.

Anyway, I think it will help to find another T. to process it with however I know how scary that is. Most of my tears in the beginning were over the fact that new T. wasn't ex-T. It's like dating immediately after a relationship ending. Good luck!
Thanks for this!
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