I was physically, verbally, emotionally and sexually abused by my dad... Physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my mum and physically and verbally abused by her boyfriend.
I've been in care since I was 7... The people who I now call my parents are lovely, but I am still sick from everything that happened as a child and my behaviour since.
It's worth noting that my foster dad never really did 'dad' things with me... That's probably why I looked up to and idolised the people I had the most in common with. Murderers

These thoughts used to be more common than they are now which is why I came here. They are coming back.
I never really had any friends or anything, and, my last job I was tediously washing cars all day which wasn't good for my sanity. Now I work somewhere I enjoy, somewhere that I have made friends. I've been more happier than I ever have... Yet I still dream of chaos and the freedom that it brings. There are no boundaries...

I don't know what input I expect, but thank you.
(Also, all 3-4 therapists I've seen have basically given up. Given multiple personality disorder diagnosis)