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I hate feeling this much pain from CPTSD and from Attachment abandonment anguish and from the general terrible pain I feel these days in post sudden termination of therapy state. I have spent hours just lying on my bed today, hurting so much physically and not knowing why I keep going. I don't know why. I really don't know why anymore. My issues are not understood by professionals, I am outcast and not fixable and it is just feeling overwhelmingly awful. I do not know why my heart continues to beat when I feel this much despair and pain and pointlessness. I hope it will stop beating. I genuinely want to give up.
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