Quote:
Originally Posted by QuietMind
I do have that fear very often. I often ask my T if she dreads seeing me, if she hates me. She'd always avoided answering the question, deflecting it to "Why do you think that?" which did not help matters.
Recently she asked me how she can convey more acceptance to me, because I frequently talk about being afraid of her judgment, non acceptance, dislike, etc. I suggested she volunteer where comfortable what she thinks and feels about what I say, how she feels about me.
Sometime later that session, we were talking about power in therapy (inspired by the thread here on PC) and I was saying I felt "You have all the power" with specific examples like how she can ward me against my will, how she can choose when I see her and not me etc. She tried saying we've equal power - that I can stop coming to therapy "even if I'd wish to see you" (wish I recalled the exact words).
Of course, I said "I thought you hate or dislike me. That you dread seeing me! Hey I thought you think QM is a pain in the rear end!" and I think she basically implied she does look forward a little to seeing me...as she does all her clients I guess, as she's a relatively inexperienced T in her first job...
|
I've also questioned my t and asked her if she hated me and she gave me a no but didn't look at my face. She chuckled as she was placing my name in her book for our next session. She usually will expand on things but I noticed that she never asked why I would ask that. She never mentioned it again. Perhaps sometimes we try to read more or too much into things trying to find answers. I guess I'm almost like trying to find my place. It could be that your t was among you why you would ask that question to hear your thought process as opposed to trying to avoid it.