metime, you are not wrong in hating your abuser! you have every right to be angry. whether if that's healthy, it's a process of healing. it will get better as you progress. it takes time, i know because i went through it, too.

you are not selfish to have kids. no way. it's great that you have your kids. i have a dog and 3 cats, and i love them as if they're my kids. they keep me alive, too. hey, don't feel wrong in whatever you're going through and, remember, it's a process of healing. i've been through it, and my life is so much better now since i've worked through all the issues i had through therapy and self-help books. i wish you the very best. ((((safe hugs))))