Brina, it sounds like you very quickly began taking a really high dose of Buspar. 120 mg a day to start is a lot! It took me over a week to work up up to 30 mg a day, which was what my doctor called a therapeutic dose. The first few days especially (at 15 mg total per day starting dose) were really difficult for me. Please be careful and let your doctor know of your suicidal thoughts. Can you ask why you were started on such a high dose? Be careful and stay safe.

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The recommended initial dose is 15 mg daily (7.5 mg b.i.d.). To achieve an optimal therapeutic response, at intervals of 2 to 3 days the dosage may be increased 5 mg per day, as needed. The maximum daily dosage should not exceed 60 mg per day. In clinical trials allowing dose titration, divided doses of 20 to 30 mg per day were commonly employed.

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Brina, based on the dosage information above, you are taking way too much if you are indeed taking 120 mg per day.