Quote:
Originally Posted by lucidity11
I felt completely consumed by these powerful emotions. I'm not sure I can identify all the emotions. I know there was deep despair and sorrow but the other feelings I can't name. Even now as I am writing this I feel pain in my heart. I don't have anything specific to identify what these feelings come from. It's just absolute crushing despair with not identifiable reason. If I feel sadness over a memory I can explore the feeling and understand why I have sadness. And try to put the feeling of sadness in the proper time. But the part who is made up of these emotions is very heavy, very quiet, soft spoken, but hard to move. I think she presents overwhelmed but reserved. She didn't have anger. Just bottomless emotional pain.
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I think I know what you are talking about. For me, that part was 2 year old Marie. Deep sorrow, deep despair, heavy heart, hungry heart, desperate, heavy. It would overwhelm the whole system and make me immovable. Poor little kid suffered so much for so long.
As I got to know her, I realized that she was the part that held all of my negative feelings. And that she was too young to voice them. It was hard for her to talk about it because she simply did not have the words.
It has been a hard and slow process of reaching toward her and understanding her and loving her and appreciating her for all that she has done for the system over all of these years. It helped to have her draw things, even though she didn't know how to draw she could color a page to look like what she felt. My therapist gave me a teddy bear for her that she still holds a few times a week. I have learned to be patient with her and to try to comfort her.
T3 says that I switch to her when I can't cope with things that are going on in the present and that I am afraid of the emotions she holds. I think she is right about that. I try to accept and love her.