Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky
AVerySadThrow,
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way about yourself. In a way, thoughts are habits. The more you do something, think something, the more ingrained it becomes. It's not your fault. It just kind of is human nature. Something you said about self help books making you feel worse, made me think about something I read today (in a self help book, ironically). It basically said that positive affirmations don't work and can literally make people feel worse, especially if they don't believe what the affirmation says. I want to tell you that it (low self esteem, negative inner critic) can get better with time. There's a quote about a canyon, being made basically by a the perseverance of a river, and that's how I look at creating new habits and thought patterns. It takes constant practice and repetition to make progress. I've been working at it a long time. Still not there, but I find it worth it. I was wondering if you are in therapy? The right therapist can really help. Also wanted to say, that you said no one is interested in you, but it looks like people here on this forum including me, want to help and are interested in you and your story. Just something to think about. In terms of the "write 50 good things about yourself"? Yeah don't do that, lol. I wouldn't be able to find that many about myself either. Start with 1. The fact that you are trying, counts a lot. I can see that being a strength right there.
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I'll admit I don't really feel much hope in the matter. To be honest I've never seemed to even get better to any discription...I don't even remember a time when I did have a sense of self-esteem, or self-confidence, or really even any hope for a future died years ago.
Its been really hard for me because it seems that people don't struggle with this the same way either because they just tell me "oh do this" or "oh do that", and I feel like a b**ch for constantly putting people's ideas down. I'm not trying to be, but its just that I literally don't know how to do any of the things they say to do. I don't know how to change my thinking. I don't know how to positively self-talk (because I never have). I don't know how to actually feel good about, or see good in, myself. And so much more.
I'm glad you're all willing to put up with me, but I'll be honest. When I said no one is interested in me its referring to romantic interest. I've literally never had someone like me for me, in that way, or felt love, connection, or affection from someone. It really gets me down because everyone I know (yes literally everyone), with exception to one person is already in long-term, stable, loving relationships, and a few are even married, and here I am perpetually alone, with no one, and whose never had someone, and who will likely never have someone (despite my efforts).
Its like everyone else has this solid foundation, or just better starting position or life in general, to build on, and regardless of how hard I try I'll never get to the point they're at. I don't even have a foundation to have self-esteem.
I am in therapy, and have been for just about a year now, but we aren't really covering self-esteem because there are just so many other issues which I'm struggling with that we often don't get to it, especially the more pressing ones which take precedence recently...