Basically, a T understanding what I'm saying -- both the verbal and non-verbal parts -- and responding accordingly, is what I'd call a connection.

Of course, there isn't perfect understanding but good enough etc.

With former T, it felt like I was always explaining myself in excruciating detail -- might as well have brought in a whiteboard and markers and drawn actual diagrams and still failed to make myself understood by her.

With current T, she basically 'gets it' so quickly and to such an extent (and basically sometimes riffs on stuff I'm saying in a rather pitch-perfect way [E.g. In the last session, it was awesomely hilarious as she riffed on some super creepy behavior from family that's often tied me up in knots]), that I almost have to stop and just slow down. Even when I've had to correct her understanding of stuff -- most often with regards to cultural nuances -- she understands so quickly and so accurately that it's a bit spooky (or maybe my standards are low after having dealt with former T for so long).

And, for what it's worth, she's not remotely warm / fuzzy in any obvious way -- no touch, doesn't disclose any personal stuff, rather understated expressions and doesn't really offer any out of session contact (maybe brief texting to schedule an additional session but that's it) etc. So, the connection such as it is, is entirely based on how she responds to stuff I say (or don't say) in session.

I guess in general, I don't define connection with a T any different from a connection with other people in my life -- with some folks, there is some sort of a quick understanding and with others, the whole enterprise of understanding and being understood feels more like sinking in quicksand.