Can I ask how old you are? It's fine if you don't feel comfortable.

I totally understand what you mean about people's suggestions being useless. I have written about it in my journal myself. I used the analogy of teaching someone to whistle. I couldn't whistle until I was 18. And people tried to teach me. But their instructions utterly failed, because they couldn't tell me how to hold my tongue - it's hard to show, or describe. Anyway, I eventually learned, by myself, by accident. Self esteem, social anxiety, confidence, dating, they're all like learning to whistle. Someone can point you in the right direction but you have to figure it out on your own.

I'm also a naysayer. I think I'm just naturally argumentative. Here I am, arguing with you about the very same things I've felt (and sometimes still feel) myself.

I guess the most important thing to remember, above all else, is that even though you don't know some of the things you think you should, you can learn. You just have to keep trying. And someday you'll figure out something that works for you. Or maybe it's something you can discuss with your therapist - a lot of exercises that would probably be beneficial are things you can do outside of therapy, so you wouldn't even have to waste much of your session on them.

Positive self talk? I'm not sure about that either, because I haven't done much of that in my life. I just read Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It and it recommends the really simple affirmation "I love myself" even if you don't mean it yet. I'm working on that myself right now.

I'm a big fan of doing rather than thinking. I don't know if I could come up with a list of 50 things I like about myself all at once but I bet I could come up with one.* One every day until I ran out. And I think the length of your fingernails or ability to spell are perfectly valid. Doesn't need to be big, or profound.

Just keep trying. Start small. Don't give up.

*I have actually done this before.