im sorry if i sound like i am a fake, a fraud, manipulative jack of cards...

my life... well... this is why i dont like talking about my feelings... why i dont know what i feel half of the time... why i just want to disappear...

i dont want pity... and i dont even deserve the concern... i have pdoc appointment in an hour... its just one thing... when i do say something... its not a game to me... yet i am made light of all the time anyway... yet those who dont have a voice and have support people get disturbed and upset when they do end it all... wonder why he did that... but they are so selfish that they cant even understand... and yet i dont think i even want anyone to understand anymore... i just wanna go away... far far far away...