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The violence about me is what is worrying me because ever since a young boy ive had millions of fantasies about what it would be like to kill somebody and I know its only a matter when not if.
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Why is it a matter of when and not if? Killing somebody is a choice. You can simply choose not to. It's worked fantastically well for me, I've never killed anyone.
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I went through a bad stage of depression where I tried to commit suicide , ive butchered both my wrists , ive had multiple overdoses even in 1 desperate attempt i took a bunch of pills to knock me out and strapped a bag to my head but just always end up waking up. I spent time on a psych ward but was never honest with them just told them what they wanted to hear to get myself out so id have the freedom to end myself if I chose to. They have me on all sorts of meds now and the depression has faded and the anxiety is lowered but now im just void of emotion .
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I know you said you were depressed, but was there any other reason(s) that you tried taking your own life?
Void of emotion? What emotions are you void of?
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I have a beautiful child but rarely see him because I didnt want him to see my while I was depressed , but now I just avoid him and my ex who wants to get back with me like they had the plague .
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Do you love your child? I'm asking that because this is the ASPD forum, I don't mean that question as any sort of insult.
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I no longer feel depressed but I could happily shoot myself in the head if I got access to a gun its very strange , now I roam the streets picking fights most of the time ones that I know i'll lose just in the hope of actually feeling something, im even getting wound up now because I feel like this whole thread has been wrote by a blind person im just usless at everything . I was told I had clinical depression but I know its much more than that and genuinly would like it to be gone but i've been like this my whole life its who I am and i'm destined to go down a dark road to be honest I dont even know why ive wrote this
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If you're no longer depressed then why do you want to kill yourself?
Why do you want to feel something? Have a specific feeling in mind?
Why are you so convinced that you're going down a "dark road"?
If you think you can't control your violent behavior either towards yourself or other people, you need to admit yourself to a psychiatric ward.