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I really dont have answers its just like there is nothing going on inside i can feel anger and rage but thats about it , thats not all the time but im quick to jump to it , its even like when I read your questions, Its like I get a overwhelming sense of dumbness its like I cant think of an answer which in return makes me want to put my head through my laptop screen .
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Whoa, that's pretty extreme.
What's wrong with preferring to be alone?
It sounds like for whatever reason you have a hard time accepting other people's love and/or generosity towards you(hence the pushing people away you described). Have you considered therapy?