Hey friend. I read your post and it really hurt but is also sort of relieving to know there are other people out there who go through crap. First off I want you to know your not alone. Coming here was a good idea bc people will talk to u and u will talk to them. It lets out everything in a healthy way.
Now I want you to know there are people who care about you. THEY WILL MISS YOU IF U DIE. For instance your kid? He is yours. Isnt that something to live for?
And lastly if u cant live for anybody live for YOU because you are worth it
Although you may not be a Christian I want you to know that God loves you no matter what.

SO STAY STRONG MY FRIEND