I didn't send the letter thank god. But I did call and leave him a desperate message. How idiotic is this?

On one hand, I am in pain thinking that he has given up on me, is disgusted by me and wants me to quit therapy. Then he doesn't need to terminate me.

Then there are bits of clarity in between where I think aren't these my issues talking? Where is the evidence that he wants me to quit? He did look disgusted and I don't think I misinterpreted that. He certainly didn't look neutral or happy.

Maybe I pushed him? Maybe I'm trying to get him to terminate me. Of course, if he did that we won't discuss how that would feel to me. I don't think I did anything perse to make him do that.

Well, I know he isn't going to call back. It scares me to feel so out of control like this.

I'll share my feelings with him but it won't be until next Tuesday and honestly, I'm hoping I can hang on until then...

I am trying to do this and be strong but it is so hard...