i just dunno what i was tryin to say with that post this morning :|
reading it is like, huh?

i like the doc im seeing now, she listens and doesnt seem to get angry that i can be a little obsessive over reading stuff and researching.. my case manager is cool too and the therapist is fun, i do feel guilty about not being able to remember what we talk about though

she talked to me about how the cymbalta is doing, i told her its not help and things seem to be getting worse... again.. but i told her i could give it a little longer as i haven't had much luck with antidepressants anyway .. she's going to have me try pairing it with abilify.. ive never taken abilify so im a little nervous about having any side effects but i have read about it alot in the past and was interested in it a little.. she also mentioned the latuda wich is the other one i was interested in years ago but she said i seem so young to her that she wants me to try abilify first since its better for youngsters? not too sure what she meant about seeming young though..? im almost 27 years old ! getting an old man

she seems to agree with the psychologists dx of adhd too though so im wondering if the abilify will help with those symptoms?

hope that it can cut some of this depression and anxiety down though.. gotta get something to make the bad things stop.. if i can get my stress and anxiety down i would sleep better and i could have more energy to cope and handle stress and i could step further out on to "the ice" so to speak so that hopefully i can get my life under control and actually try to start having a life

it gets scary sometimes trying to deal with all of this, but i guess im doing ok... they say im high functioning even though my symptoms are debilitating, agoraphobic and all that mess too which confuses me because im not understanding how you can be high functioning and unable to work/ live...

but she keeps complimenting my intelligence level.. so i guess its just basically my ability to keep moving forward even though i dont want to sometimes..?

i see her again for follow up in 2 months.. she mentioned using propranolol for anxiety and migraines, and that it might would also be good for me since i have high blood pressure (for some reason) and high cholesterol stuff.. i gotta fix my diet.. i dunno how i have high cholesterol because i barely eat...
atleast everything else was perfect, thyroid, and stuff..

i hate stress :/
they are trying to talk me into doing a day program thing though which is making me a bit nervous because i dont like going out very much... being around other people too much... its just trust issue i guess... because i would like to do it but im just scared

thanks for stating that i dont sound like a fraud... i feel so bad about things sometimes, so guilty... like its all fake and like im just being a pathetic lazy attention seeking loser or something... but thats a whole nother story.. guess im just not used to getting attention, my therapist says that im not used to meeting my needs or having my needs met so it makes me feel like that - but im working on it