I tried. I also failed catastrophically when it caught up with me.

Congratulations on what you have achieved so far, it is no mean feat ! Progress is progress, whichever way you look at it.

You need to find the source of the problem, and tackle that to begin the path of recovery.

When I went through stages doubting if i would ever feel normal again, I found the following quote immeasurably helpful during that time.

"What you think,
you become.
What you feel,
you attract.
What you imagine,
you create."

Good luck on your path to recovery, you can do it !