I'm trying to overcome guilt, self pity and all sort of emotions right now. I'm failing miserably. I just want to be better, I know it doesn't just happen. I feel I'm slipping back down the muddy hole I am trying to climb out of, clawing at the sides, breaking huge chunks off and sliding faster and faster. There isn't anything to hold onto except for negative thoughts, there is nowhere to put my feet to get a grip, the light is fading, the darkness beckons, the dreams are vivid, the memories are rife, I am going to let go, I'm tired, will the landing be soft?Full of water, sinking sand, lung smothering black treacle, or will I be lucky tomorrow and find a trampoline??

not even Jinny