Sept. 29th 2016, the anniversary of my sisters murder, 20 years ago. Her husband got mad at her one night about having a kid and he killed her. She grew up in the same abusive household, got her *** beat right along with me, equally by our so called father and mother. My mother wonders to this day, why I hate her!!!! Guess she figured she did no wrong! My father, I would have beat the **** out of him, if I had the chance. He took off for Florida and left my mom, when I told him I was going to k9ill him for all the abuse. So, my sister was the ONLY person in this world I could talk to. She knew what it was all about. I have tried to talk to people on here but it has been a total joke. There is only one person, that has kept in contact with me and she knows who she is. Thank you!! I will not mention your name. I do consider you a friend! About the only one I have. So, I have a heart as black as stone, do not believe in heaven or hell or any other spiritual stuff. If there was such a person, why was my sister murdered? Why was I raised by asshole parents who got their jollies seeing how large of lumps or bruises on you? Why did my oldest daughter have 2 miscarriages? Why am I a prisoner in my own home, trapped in my bed. My only joy in life, besides my wife, 3 kids and grandkids are my 5 Beagles and what I used to do everyday if I could. Photography. That has been taken away from me. My one true passion, gone. I can`t say if this will be my last post or not but to be in the same position I was almost 2 years ago, with no one to talk to, or they stick around for a message or two, whats the use???? I give up, I am tired of all the pain all the drugs and all my doctors care about is money, except for one special one. She truly cares. I know she does not like my A1c level being almost 14 but I don`t care and she knows that. She keeps trying to get me to have an MRI on my brain, she thinks I suffered a stroke or at least a traumatic head injury because everytime I fall, when I try to get out of bed, because I don`t listen, I hit my head on the wall and floor everytime. I have had over 20 MRI`s, CT, and Hida, scans along with more xrays in 4 years. I don`t want another MRI. I am at the point, the noise of them drives me crazy! But back to the original reason of this post, my sister, my best friend, I have been lost for 20 years because of that son of a *****. How many years did he do in prison, you ask???? 10!! If I ever get my hands on him, he is as the Germans say Todt! If anybody decides to read this, good luck figuring it out. I don`t even know what I write most of the time. But, the biggest thing I am ashamed of, I have never been to her grave, since the funeral. I was a pall bearer of course but I have never been back. Does this make me a terrible person? I never shed a tear. Does this also make me a terribl person?? I am done, you get the point. I am just glad I raised my kids a lot different. I worked a lot of 7 day weeks 12 hours a day and 16 hours a day, so I knew they would never have to go without. I mad damn sure I was a good father and not some drunk piece of ****, like I had!