Mary Alice,
I didn't respond to this before because I wasn't ready (having a bad day myself).
I think we have alot on common. Growing up no matter what I did I was never good enough. Dad didn't care but mom was always on my case. The house would have to be cleaned "like the president was coming" "do it right the first time" There was no room for error. Once I cleaned the entire house spotless but I didn't do the dishes, always hated them most and when my mom saw she didn't thank me she yelled at me for not doing the dishes. I was 8 years old. When I made little things in school she would never hang them on the refrigerator or put them on display because "I could've done better". No job I ever had has been good enough. I was "wasting my time" because I was not a teacher like she wanted me to be. I was forced to take piano lessons which I hated with every part of my being but mom wanted to play piano and it was too late for her so it had to be me.
I was told I was stupid and nothing I ever did was right. I spent my entire chidhood getting screamed at.
One day someone told me that I was the smartest person thay had ever met. I guess they haven't met too many people but I figured there must be something in what they said. Maybe mom was wrong? I started thinking about my life, what I had done. I had had numerous jobs that I did very well at and enjoyed. I helped friends and they respected me. I could figure stuff out, create stuff and make things work. I finally realized that whatever mom or anyone else thought I wasn't stupid. I was me. I had my own gifts. I was free to live my life and not care if someone thought it was wrong or stupid. Then I actually started achieving at work, I took chances and found out I could do well. I wasn't afraid to put myself out there because I started to believe the ONLY failure is not trying. As long as I tried then whatever happened, happened.
I was also my worst enemy. My expectations were and still are high but I can keep myself in check now because I know there is no failure in not being perfect. If I do something I can only do my best. I don't have to half kill myself to do it perfect and I CAN ask for help if it's too much.
You don't HAVE to do this or HAVE to do that. Your life is a choice. You can choose what you need to do and how to do it. If it's not right for someone else to hell with them. You are the one that has to live with it not them. Besides, do you tell other people how to live thier lives or that what they choose for themselves is wrong? What gives them the right to do it for you?
I would like to know who called you a cold, heartless, unfeeling, self-centered *****. They are wrong and we both know it. Was that your husband?
I am glad you are yourself here and with your T. When you are in a positve caring environment you can be yourself and I think everyone here and also your T think you are a great person. If others don't think that then screw them, you don't need people in your life that you can't be exactly who you are with. Distance yourself from them but don't stop loving yourself.
I hope your feeling better today. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley