Maybe this recent realization is something your mom needed.

I don't know all the specifics of you and your mom but I do understand being low income and having to pool resources just to keep our heads above water. My adult son lives with me and can only get part time work at minimum wage (well, that was before the June flood took out the bridge to where he worked so he now is getting unemployment). When he works I ask him to help out buying food and gasoline and rarely help with the electric bill when it is really expensive.

But unlike your mother I don't ask what he is doing with the money he has left over unless he asks my opinion. Like this week he had gone to his best friend's house for the day and his friend has a virtual reality device that is really cool. My son asked what I thought about him spending some of his money to buy one and I said bad idea at this time because 1. it is expensive ($800) 2. if he waits they will be more advanced and likely less expensive 3. buying that would take a significant chunk of the money he has been saving for a used car. Totally different from the way your mom interferes with your money. Your mom isn't entitled to know what you do with every nickle and it sounds like you are not totally irresponsible with your money.

I am glad that your dad backed you up when your mom was being too controlling. I hope your mom learns that while you are willing to help for the betterment of the family you still need some wild money to use as you please.

Best of luck