I was happy about getting paid today but I should have known something would happen. It started when I went into Goodwill this morning and I was struggling to get the cart separated from the others (I've never figured out how to easily do that) and when I finally got my cart I could see this lady that works there staring at me and smiling what I call a pity-smile. Everyone has always liked to stare at me because I'm 23 and look about 12 (so they wonder why I'm out by myself) and now that I'm 31 weeks pregnant it gets even worse. I told myslef maybe I'm just being paranoid and she could be being friendly.

Well I did my shopping-bought a few sleepers, onesies and a jacket for me-and of course she's the one who checked me out. I tried to be friendly and act normal so nothing would go wrong, I said hi and mentioned the weather. Well then she asked how far along I am. Fair enough. When I told her she got this worried look and said,I hope you have a safe environment for your baby. Apparently I LOOK like someone who wouldn't??? DO YOU ASK EVERY PREGNANT WOMAN THAT?..but I just assured her that I do. Then she added insult to injury by telling me I needed to pull my "britches" up as I was walking away from her.

It didn't occur to me until I was waiting for the bus that she must have thought I was on drugs-which I have never even tried. Because of my severe anxiety and the fact that I appear detached from the world people seem to want to draw their own conclusions. I was accused of that (and being possessed by demons) when I had a short job at a veterinarian's office in 2014. I'm absolutely terrified that because I appear different, on top of being poor, that someone is going to think I can't care for my daughter. I can't think of any real reason why CPS would want to take her away from me but the thing is, people get a strange "vibe" from me. And I've heard of caseworkers kidnapping children because of "instinct".

Everyone likes to make assumptions about me when they see me, none of them are true. When I go to the hospital to give birth I know I can expect to be discriminated against because they too will probably make up some BS story about me as always. Well, I know one thing. Over my dead body will anyone try to question where MY daughter belongs or dare judge my parenting because I'm not the average mainstream person that society would want to be a parent. I love this little girl more than words can say and I would give my life for her. There is NO ONE in the world who could ever possibly love her as much as I do. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that if someone ever suspected I'm not able to take care of her that they could go and let someone who doesn't deserve her steal her away from me.

This is ******* me off so much because she is the best gift I've ever received and my dream come true but everyone around me has been determined to make it stressful. I'm dreaming of when I get to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and see her little eyes looking up at me. But thanks to idiots like the woman in Goodwill, that dream has become a nightmare because my biggest fear is that someone will walk in and snatch her from my arms because I have a mental illness, I'm anti social and they think she would be better off in a traditional family of "normal" people so they get the right to raise MY CHILD. My LIFE belongs to her which no one else's ever will. EVER!

I wish my family and everyone I meet in real life(a few of my online friends have been my biggest support) would stop making this out to be some type of tragedy. Yes, I'm going to be a single mother, yes I'm scared but perfect love casts out fear!

Sorry for the rant.