It looks like my brother will be staying here in the state for good. Right now he's living at his grandma's house (not mine - we're from different fathers and he's ten years older than me), at least until he gets a job here and gets back on his feet. I'm really glad for him, he seems excited to be back. I'm excited too! He's been at our house for around 8 hours now, and will probably stay the night.

However, as much as I'm glad he's here, I've noticed I often get left out of conversations and just end up sitting to the side, ignored. It was like that also when my older sister visited from out of state a little over two years ago. I'm just a different person now than I was last he saw me, and I feel self-conscious around him. He's been homeless, worked his *** off, and what have I done? I've been out of school for two and a half years. I've let my parents pay my way and not done anything because my depression has beaten the **** out of me. But my brother has had it so much worse, why should I be depressed? I feel like he must see me as ugly and stupid. I am never even given a chance to talk - there is no room between his and my mom's talking for me to say anything, and it's always been like this for me, with everyone. Because if I even did have anything good to say, it wouldn't matter.

At this very moment they are all out there talking and drinking and laughing without me. I am not missed.