Hi Chantel, it was really brave of you to post this, and probably a really healthy thing for you to write this stuff down like that somewhere. If you were ever to see a therapist (maybe you do?) I think printing that out for them to read would be extremely helpful.

That is definitely sexual abuse, by both parents I would say but absolutely no question with your dad. I wouldn't call it covert or non-touching either. Your own sexual behaviors as a child would be typical in response to sexual abuse, essentially a reflection of the damage being done to you. Also, if he was causing you pain like that, that was also physical abuse.

I understand his feelings are/were intense but they sound very, very different than what fathers should normally feel toward their daughters. It sounds a lot more like what abusive husbands sometimes feel toward their wives. I am sorry to say that, but I feel like you're asking what people think of his behavior, and I think what you're describing is a serious and pervasive level of sexual, physical and emotional abuse from him in your childhood.

Is there any way for you to see someone (a therapist I mean) who could help you with all of this? It seems to be a lot. You might need someone who specializes in trauma survivors and who has a good deal of experience because it sounds like the abuse was really multi-faceted. But I realize, if you live in the US sometimes our health insurance is terrible when it comes to mental health.