I'm forgetting some of the details. To what extent does your ex T know you are obsessing on her, and if she does know to what extent does she feel responsible or care?

One of the things that has driven me nuts is being left with these obsessive and intrusive thoughts, while the person who induced them is cut off from the reality of it.

Do you think part of the problem is that you want to tell her, emphatically -- don't you see what you have set in motion for s**t's sake!