When I was searching for a new T I saw one who was very open about something similar to this. We were doing some stuff with a couple of pebbles and it came up that she wanted to be metaphorically right next to me, alongside me. When I asked why, her response was quite amazing, in a bad way, for me. She said that she gets a lot out of it, of being next to people, being someone people talk to. She said she finds it fascinating and that she really likes doing it. She gave a list of reason, which I can't remember because the one thing about all of them is what stuck with me. They were all about her. There was no mention of the client at all. I commend her for her honesty but realised immediately that this wasn't going to work between us.

When I asked my new T why she wanted to become a T, she said that she used to feel bad with a lot of kids telling her stuff and her not being able to help them.

Both of those questions in a way ask why they would care, if they do care, and the responses were very different. I guess I just need someone who cares because they feel I am worth caring about, not to satisfy themseleves, not for their own personal gains.

But then in life do we not do this all of the time. Do we not get close to those that do good for us and keep our distance from those that hurt us? This is selfish, this is about us, not about them. I will stop interrogating my thoughts on this now.