For me the connection with the therapist is when I feel we understand each-other and are interested in exploring issues together. The interest is probably key for me as I typically feel that the level of connection is lowered when the therapist does not seem to show as much interest as usually or not as interactive. It is not something that operates on mostly an intellectual level like it does with many of my colleagues, for example. It is an emotional reaction on my side to detecting the T's engagement. My T also has a way of increasing the connection with telling stories about himself that relate to my stories, this creates a sense of similarity (even though I am aware it is contrived for this purpose). I never truly felt the kind of emotional intimacy many people describe about therapy though... I believe that is hard for me to experience in a one-sided way.