Today's session with Kashi made me feel kind of sad. I was feeling great about him the first time I talked to him and the first session in person. But last appointment he forgot my last name and forgot if I had filled out the paperwork. This time he hasn't even called sparky yet or called long term t. Kind of annoyed by that. He also runs a dbt group and he penciled me in but I never agreed to that and I was confused by that. I mentioned maybe being interested but I have issues about groups I need to talk about first. It seemed presumptuous.
I feel lost in the shuffle. At least I told him I was getting annoyed and angry

He said he wasn't a perfect therapist. I said I don't think I expect perfectionism I don't expect him to know my cats name but I do expect him to know my name. He seems so go with the flow which in some ways is nice but in some ways I want to tell him "try harder."

One thing that was upsetting is that he was walking with a cane the time. He said he had something neurological that flares up that causes hm pain for a few days. It made me worry for him. Now I want to google what it might be. It it progressive? Will it kill him? He said he wanted to shake my hand but it causes him pain when he is like this. Really worries me. He's only 51

He did have some good moments when he said I seemed so anxious and he wanted to make me feel better.

Another thing that worries me is that he may try to force me through the dbt cookie cutter. I gave hm my mixed bag review f dbt. He thinks Linnehan is a genius. She is a smart lady but not the end all be all of all things Psychology related.

Part of me worries that between the cutthroat nature of my last job and having an aggressive boss along with having an action oriented therapist in sparky that it made me kind of aggressive as a person, maybe even a jerk. Here is the gentle wounded man in front of me in Kashi and I'm feeling myself get impatient. I don't know yet where the all leads