Sister, thank you

Sorry everyone I vented a bit on this thread and I shouldn't have. I know I am being irrational and I am making assumptions about why my emails have gone unanswered. I also realize that if I really was so desperate to talk to her I could have called and left a message with her answering service. I guess my ego is unwilling to allow me to appear too needy.

I did talk once about writing her outside of our sessions. She said it was OK, but never committed to responding to me. I have emailed her before but in those messages I didn't expect or indicate that I would like a reply. I guess what has gotten under my skin is the fact that I had finally came out and admitted that I was having some trouble and actually asked for help with something. This was very difficult for me and based on our conversations in therapy I am sure she realizes this. I sent the messages early last week hoping to get another appointment before she left for vacation this week or possibly for next week. Since she didn't reply or at least have her office manager call, I've assumed that she blew me off.

The bottom line is I am angry at myself for wanting to talk to her. It makes me feel like I am developing a dependency on her and I don't like that feeling.

In the end it really doesn't matter--I realize now that I am not in an immediate crisis and that I was just being a big baby. I'm not accustomed to thinking about my emotions and therefore I tend to overreact when I have them. What I was feeling and questioning last week has passed and I survived just fine. I got myself worked up over nothing. Now I am questioning what I am doing in therapy and why am I torturing myself with revisiting the past. I need to stop thinking about all this stuff and just focus on enjoying the life I've created since.

Sister, if I had been able to schedule another appointment last week I would likely have expressed a lot of what I was feeling including what seems to be a major transition for me from not talking to needing to talk. Chances are when i finally go back I will likely dismiss all this as simply some irrational fears that don't warrant discussion. I might even forget that I was feeling upset. I know that sounds weird but it happens to me a lot.

I sorry for spouting off a bunch of negative thoughts on this thread. I think it is great that you all are able to share so much of yourselves with your T's. I also think it is cool that they respond in a caring way. I can see the real value of a relationship like this even if it is temporary.