The ruptures I have had in therapy all boil down to the same thing and the final one with the last T was not repaired, nor is my "relationship" with therapy in general -- I 've done my best with a bunch of different therapists -- whatever my problems were and have been, I think the strategy of rupture and repair was bogus in my case.

All the ruptures boil down to me believing that therapy was a place where I was supposed to say how I felt and when I was angry with a therapist it was too much for them. Several, including the last one on several occasions, got huffy and put me down and shamed me. Which I immediately took on myself, part of a lifelong pattern.

The main problem, I believe, is that I didn't develop a healthy, integrated identity or idea of who I am/was as a real person as a child/teenager/ young adult. All the old clichés -- false self, trauma, etc. It's hard to say what my life would have been like without therapy but to end the last one with the T once again putting me down and then, finally maybe?, me returning the favor? -- well, "payback" is an odd kind of "repair" and not a very satisfactory one at all but maybe sometimes. . . Reality is not ideal. :-$