I don't know how things work where you live, but here's my two cents: Take a second job, sell anything of value that you don't absolutely need...anything you can do to get away from your toxic family. You don't have to put up with that garbage if you're not living with them. You don't deserve to be triggered and made to feel that sui is the only way out. Stand up to them and get the hell out of there as soon as you can.