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toffeellen said:

now i feel embarrassed]
1) because Ive shown im not perfect - by eing defensive (liek he didnt alrady know this)

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Oh no! You have revealed that you are human in therapy!!! hehehe, it's ok... I went through that as well... I wanted to be "perfect"... trust me, they know we're not.... why would someone "perfect" come for therapy??

And consider what you went through as something very, very cool-- you experienced one of your patterns while in session-- and you were able to recognize it as something you do outside of session. That is some serious insight. You sound like you are doing a great job.