> Sympathy or empathy?

I'm not sure. I guess I would have said 'empathy' but I worry that he might be a little too invested in my feeling those things. Such that... It is moving from empathy (which is good) to sympathy (which isn't so good). But... I don't know.

> I would imagine that both your competency and need for him are both obvious. Do you feel like he sees it as one or the other?

I think... He sees the 'productive work' as me talking about my childhood and feeling painful feelings. Sometimes... I want to talk about more day to day stuff. Or I want to talk to him about something I'm struggling with in the day to day stuff. Or maybe I want to enjoy feeling happy about my work for a while.

Maybe it is that I was feeling like he didn't understand what the functioin of my talking about that other stuff was. The function of it for me is that... It is a significant part of my life and it needs to remain a significant part of my life. To stop me being lost in the past... I think he didn't realise how fragile I was.

I think he is starting to now.

I guess... I just want him to be accepting of me. Accepting of where I'm at. To trust me to push myself and to take risks with him as I'm able. Instead of him trying to push me in a direction that he thinks will be productive. I guess I need him to just go with me... And open his eyes a little more to the risks that I AM taking.

I think he is starting to now.

> The reciprocity is difficult to see sometimes-- but it is there... they wouldn't do it if it wasn't there.

Yeah. Different people have different issues... I'm not reccomending this for others... But I think that I do need to be a bit reassuring / validating of him. I've been giving him a really hard time over the last couple sessions. I think he might be feeling a little de-skilled / underappreciated etc.

Maybe part of what is hard is that I have fairly firm views on quite a lot of stuff. And my views... Aren't really captured in a 'standard line' because I read around a lot etc. And so I'm perhaps more aware of (and more criticial of) some of the assumptions and stuff that is guiding what he is doing. And... Sometimes I dig my heels in to be sure. And I guess I've realised that I need to learn to slow down sometimes. Or I become incomprehensible. And he is trying... But sometimes I really don't think that he understands what I'm saying.

Yeah, part of it is about my asserting my independence, I think.
Another part of it is that I have serious deadlines between now and the end of November.
Another part of it is that I'm terrified he will reject me if I show him more of myself.