I agree with Booh that one of the things that will help you will be learning to accept yourself. I've read enough of your postings to understand a just a little bit about how your traumas have transformed you. In life, it can seem like no one accepts the "real" you. That makes it hard to share your profound pain. I think it is important that you continue to see a therapist. I've let my T see how dysfunctional things are for me. I can only share so much with my spouse because it is upsetting to him. When I visited one of my siblings this summer and I revealed something they said, "There is nothing wrong with you!" They were so emotional about it that I made sure I acted completely normal for the remainder of the visit (good thing I had brought my medication). But when family members are like that, well, I still like spending some time with them but it would not be healthy for me to have to "pretend" day in and day out. This is not a problem for me because they live on the other side of the country. Since it sounds like your family lives in the same town, you might have to figure out how to limit your exposure. I know it is easier said than done. And I know that you are dealing with so much more than I have ever had to deal with. I think it is important that you keep posting here because so few in society truly understand things like PTSD and profound depression. When you deal with things like this you have to accept that you are going to need help with this. When I first went to therapy, I thought that it would "fix" me. And I sometimes think that I want to be able to function at 100% without my medication. These things may never happen. I may always need some help. Please do everything you can to reach out and take help. You need it and deserve it. It's OK to be sad. I want to know about it. Because of your past, it is part of who you are. You are always so open and helpful. I think that the way you reach out on this forum shows determination and strength. Your strength has helped me with my recovery. You made a difference. My heart goes out to you. I really do care about you. I hope you can experience some happy feelings as well this week.