Thanks Mysterious, you've been there for me a lot and it has helped and I'm glad I could do the same for you. I do want to say that I don't think I'm dealing with more than you have. I believe that an individual's struggle cannot be compared to another. Each person's struggle is there own and they're the only ones who truly and entirely understand. You are the expert of your life, everyone else is a student and spectator. From what I gather you've been through a lot and I'm glad things are looking up for you.

To be honest, self acceptance really has never been on my mind. I've never accepted or rejected myself. It might be messed up but I look at myself a little different. I do look at myself and feel the need to achieve balance. Like, everything I don't like about myself needs a counter weight (usually helping someone in some way). For me it's more like osmosis than anything else. I don't believe I can really ever accept myself but I don't not accept myself, you know? It's more like I've just accepted that I'm someone I don't care for, who could be better but never will be. So, as long as there's a balance, it makes me less of a bad person. Then again, it could just be low self-esteem bordering onto self-hatred and I'm just in a state of denial. My therapist wants to work on the whole self-esteem thing with me starting today. I'm going to be honest, it's kept me awake tonight. I still need to go to bed to at least nap first.
I can't definitively tell anyone, including myself, what's so wrong with me that I don't deserve anything good from any outside source. I know that very thought process is what's causing me to desire silence. People help me here and I don't feel I deserve that and shouldn't put myself in a position to receive it.
I'm rambling out of exhaustion at this point. Sorry, just not feeling well on top of not sleeping.