There is so much of me in this post... I just want to answer it fully and honestly and hope that it may help you. Please understand that this is not in anyway at attempt to undermine what you went through in this session. I read your post and frankly, I was a little turned off by some of the things your T said-- i.e. comparing you to his sister. I do recognize a lot of psychological patterns within your posts and I wanted to point a couple of things out to you, in hopes that it will help you think about something in a way you never thought ot if before.

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almeda24fan said:
Feeling desperate because T seems to be disgusted with me (my perception of last session) I called once and didn't hear back so the fool that I am, I called again yesterday.

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Just remember, there are so, so, so many reasons as to why he hasn't called back. What if he is at a conference? Running an all day group? At a training?

A T should never be disgusted with a client. Ever. It is okay to not agree with what the client does and to wish the client did different, but ultimately, a T should be able to accept whatever it is as part of the person. Last week I accused T of being disgusted with me in regards to my cutting. The real issue? I was disgusted with myself.

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think I've said before on here T doesn't label me but we've talked a lot about borderline, histrionic and dependent traits...of course I've read a ton about BPD and T has mentioned many of the symptoms to me. He said he doesn't believe in labels and I was okay with that.
Why do I now feel like the label is being applied?

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Maybe it just seemas though all of these symptoms are really presenting themselves more than ever. The labels don't matter-- you are experiencing what you are experiencing... and that's all that matters... to work on those things in order to get better. I know that I am guilty of applying the label to myself when a lot of the symptoms start going at the same time.

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Asking me if my call is a life threatening situation...after almost two years of therapy? First time ever...

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Just remember the events leading up to this. Perhaps this was the first time ever you called twice before T called you back. There was probably a hint of desperation, sadness, anger, or anxiety, or all of the above, in your voice. The assistant probably picked up on all of this... and it is his job to clarify if this is an emergency situation. One thing I learned from working with my own patients is that these are peoples' lives that we are dealing with... and you have to be very, very careful not make a decision that could have been executed better if only a simple question was asked. This does not mean that you are mental patient or that you are worthy of the borderline label.

I will ask T on Tuesday if he doesn't cancel that appt. first...

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