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Originally Posted by BudFox
Wow that is such a load of shite. Those sorts of unilateral decisions and declarations are the mark of an amateur and someone whose own issues are front and center. Insinuations of harassment are a subtle client blaming device. It's ok for the therapist to drop the client abruptly and irresponsibly, but if the client protests or seeks to mitigate the harm they are the bad guy. Right. Mustn't disturb the princess in her lair. Mustn't challenge her royal decree.
I would nail her arse to the wall on Yelp. Not out of spite or vengeance, but because I think there is something very dangerous and pernicious in a therapist mistreating or abandoning or lying to a client, and then expecting the client to roll over and obey, without protest or complaint. It's a defeating and disempowering dynamic, possibly the last thing a client needs to get from therapy. Why absorb such injustice and stuff it down, when you paid this woman to at least not screw things up and make you worse? I put my ex therapist's nose in the s**t somewhat, by insistently telling her what she'd done, and it helped lessen the feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. Anyway, don't mind my ranting, you have your own plan.
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Thanks for the suggestion but I wouldn't feel comfortable rating her on Yelp. I understand what you're saying about her being dangerous as a therapist and I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I have, yet at the same time I can't see how it wouldn't be interpreted as an act of vengeance and personally, I feel I would later regret it.
If I do find a new T though, I will be sure to speak my mind if I feel they've messed up, even if it means losing them as my T. I would rather that than spend months absorbing the injustice only to become over-attached to them and put myself in a position of powerlessness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SvanThor
Remind yourself that your therapist deserves privacy as much as you do.
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Do I have privacy from the therapist though? Absolutely not. She knows everything there is to know about me and I know very little about her. There is a massive imbalance there, so if T deserves as much privacy as I do, she would have very little if that were the case.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
Could you then google something else, some information that is useful for you or just entertaining and is not causing distress? Perhaps learn about anxiety and search various coping methods? Then try them out.
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I have some info on coping methods but I have yet to find one that works.
I also often try googling other stuff but my heart and mind aren't into it and I can't engage with anything other than searching for T.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Are you considering another T? The reasons for obsessing, the infantile unmet needs, as you said, are still there. A qualified T wouldn't leave you the way your T did. She would help you deal with it. Or at least help sort out what your T did and didn't do so you can move on.
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I'm still looking for a new T and this is my hope, that someone can help me find closure. I will be
very careful this time though. Once bitten, twice shy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Willowleaf
Hi, I rarely post on here for fear of offending people, but I wondered if you couldn't stop googling maybe you could change your focus. Since you seem to know quite a bit about your old t maybe you could google something she does or is interested in. That might distract you, but doing it might still make you feel a bit closer and reduce the anxiety. If I was in this situation I think it would be the closeness I craved and for me sometimes doing a version of this has helped. I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds awful
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Yes, it is the closeness I crave and at the times I feel the urge to google, I can't engage my heart and mind with anything else. At the same time though, googling about T makes me so angry. It's odd but don't have any interest whatsoever in the things T is interested in or does for a hobby. Nor am I interested in her personal life really. I think it's just the only way I have of feeling close to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaLucy
I can thoroughly understand your need to google. She has disempowered you and you feel that she has shut you out and trampled on you, with her lies about why she 'cannot' see you. So I can understand the anger and the attempt to get back some control by seeing what she is doing and knowing what is going on in her life.
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You've hit the nail on the head. That's
exactly how I feel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MariaLucy
If she does not have privacy settings then it is her fault she is so easy to track and trace. I have felt this way about my own T who terminated with me so abruptly and awfully two weeks ago. I have googled him like crazy but there is nothing there to find out about him which is horribly frustrating. I have found out some things and feel better for that. I don't feel so powerless. I don't think it is obsessive for me. It is a hatred of feeling a victim. I do it when I get angry with what he has done to me. Please - I do not want judgements for what I have admitted. I am in a really bad place with the awful termination and just coping any which way I can without hurting myself or anyone else.
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I'm sorry you're going through this. I know the feeling exactly.