I'm sorry I don't have any advice... I can only commiserate, being in much the same position. I've been in a depressive episode for a little over 4 months now, which isn't long compared to yours, but it's one of the worst episodes I've experienced to date, and I've been struggling with this coming up on 7 years.

I relate so much to your post. I used to greatly enjoy the simple pleasures of life, myself. Honestly the simple things are all I've really had, being from a dysfunctional family with a lot of alcoholism and violence. I remember I used to love the holidays. Now they're just a time of year to reflect sadly on what I once enjoyed. I have half the family now that I used to, and I never had a big family anyway, if that tells you anything. I don't have friends anymore. The past few years it has been just my parents and I, and my parents get drunk usually... so you might as well say just I. :/

Recently (a few days ago) my older brother came back up to the state and plans on staying, which means he'll likely be here for the holidays this year. But I still feel isolated. He's been drinking along with my parents, whereas I'm not allowed to drink anymore, and we all know how very fun it is to be the only sober person. They sit out there and laugh and talk, and I am not missed. Plus, he and my mom are chatterboxes. Being the shy one, I don't really get included in their conversations. I feel like even to family my presence/absence doesn't matter. I could be there or I could not, it wouldn't make a difference.

Now I just stay in my room anymore, like always. I won't bend over backwards to be included, if no one will make an effort to include me. Also, my dad recently made it known he wants to work for time and a half this Thanksgiving, which would mean him not being here either. He and my mom have argued about it. He won't budge. But now I'm rambling...

Everything is just kind of awful right now, is all.