I have realized that I really do not know how I feel.

I have lost the love of my life because I did not know I was that much in love. I have been depressed and did not even know it. It is like I have problem seeing the reality of a situation. I keep covering up my feelings and now I don't know anymore what I feel.

Is this familiar to anyone? If I have an illness ,I'll make light of the situation or even not realize within myself that I am ill. So many times ,people assume I'm o.k when I had been suffering so much. Why can't I be real in life?? I don't have clarity about anything!