Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
Has there ever been a time when you couldn't be ok with what happened all heart? What happens then?
I believe that too that a repaired rupture will strengthen the relationship.
My t does not even know the word rupture, I had to explain what it meant to her. She uses a term called a break in the alliance.
I need my t to be strong right now. I feel she is pushing me away and this hurts. Since her disclosure she has been very busy and my appointments have gone from weekly to fortnightly. This is what is causing me the most pain is that I feel abandoned. I think she realised her mistake and pulled away. I don't think my t has a mental illness she is just a very odd/ strange person! I think that she cares too much and pushes me too hard. She wants me to be happy but I need to do it in my own time, she took accountability for pushing me too much before and I never even had bring it to her attention. I need my t right now because the pain of not having her is too much for me.
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So far there hasn’t been anything we haven’t been able to work through, but there certainly have been many close calls. I believe I am to the point now where if something does happen and I can’t be ok with it after trying everything possible to repair it, then I walk. We are very close so it will hurt like hell if it happens because I stand to lose more than just a loving t. My t has some pretty deep rooted struggles that affect our relationships and always will. I can’t control how or who she is so I accept that walking away to save my last bit of sanity may be my only choice.
It took me a long time to get to this point. I was extremely attached to my t for a long while so I understand not being able to leave your t quite yet. The detaching process is terribly painful and confusing. It makes you waiver. So it’s more than ok that you need your t right now. I know your t has some great qualities to her and that is what you are longing for. Totally natural. Just don’t let this pain distort the reality to the other side of this t. Mental illness, personality disorder, or whatever she has going on doesn’t matter because the bottom line is she becomes abusive and that is highly damaging.
What I am trying to say is make sure you honor the truth of what this t does and doesn’t do for you otherwise you are setting yourself up for greater disappointment. You don’t have to work to justify going back to her to us or to yourself. Just let the, “I need her” be enough for you right now and take it one small step at a time. No matter what, be easy on yourself.