Hi all,

I've started EMDR a month ago, have actually only had three sessions so far. I had tried it before but my ex-T and I didn't click, so it was just a waste of time.

Anyway, I've been thinking of past episodes for the whole month (flashbacks, maybe?), then yesterday I talked to my T about why I'm extremely scared of finding out what's actually happened (I have no recollection of it, even though something is starting to come). We talked a lot and I had many recollections of my past as a child, it was horrible, especially because I had no idea I'd had a disfunctional family. I'd always thought my family was perfect. I didn't know that what happened to me wasn't normal. I came out of my therapy hour completely devastated and disassociated to the point that after just five minutes I had little recollection of what had been said.

I'm feeling really crappy, I'm feeling ashamed, and I feel like all is not fair. But even though it's not fair, I don't feel angry, but devastated and ashamed instead. I'm starting to have a grasp of what's happened to me and I don't want for it to be true. I just don't.

Sorry for the messy post, I feel so bad I can't organize what I wanted to express, maybe I just wanted to vent.