Hello Candy m'dear --

I've caught up on this thread all at once, and the topic line expresses my response. You write very, very well, and your observational powers are wonderful, too.

Here are a few things I noticed -- and plz realize that every single thing here comes directly from *my* issues -- and may have nothing or only very little relevance to yours.

1. I understand not being able to express my anger effectively in 3D. You are doing a grandly effective job expressing it here, in writing, via your acute observations and humorous sarcasm. And that's good -- you at least have found one outlet for all that energy.

2. Is there any way for you to hijack the group sessions back the way you want them to go? Even if it means handing a note to the therapist, expressing that s/he broke a confidence by bringing up something in group that you considered private, or by spending too much time on recipes, etc. Yup, I hate that, too. I think it's part of the journalist's focus. We do not have time to waste in interviews on long irrelevant sidetracks. We learn to get the information in a short time span. Whilst others meander through communication.

3. My T is working with me on all the subtle ways I self-talk and put myself down. The self put-downs are not so subtle here, though. Describing yourself as a nut job, and the oblique description of others in the group as nut jobs -- so that the inference is negative toward yourself.

You are not a nut job, CandyBear, and we love you here. I am inclined to believe that we here are both sensitive and very injured, usually by things in our childhoods -- such as those that happened to you -- and me. And we sensitive souls seem to suffer more than those who can let the bad roll off their backs.

That doesn't make us "less than" others. Sometimes -- in my best moments -- I feel sorry for those who are unable to experience the agony and the pathos of life. Life is a little less rich for them. Sometimes I envy them, and wish I could be like that, too. But mostly, I think they are missing out on parts of what it means to be human.

I hope you will be able to find something worth having in the groups. If only a bunch of wild and crazy characters to weave into your own One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

You have been a wonderful online friend to me, Candy, and I am so sorry that you are in this dark place. I hope you will continue to share with us, and enjoy shopping therapy or whatever helps you feel a little better, and that things will start getting better for you.

You are brave to keep on keeping on.

<font color="blue">((((((((((((((((((((((</font><font color="pink">Candy</font><font color="blue">)))))))))))))))))))))